Good-bye old friend

I met this friend about a year ago and to be honest, we hit it off pretty well. I mean, for the most part we were attached in ways no other friend has ever been attached to me. This friend was always there for me, there for a good talk and definately a good rub down. Well, my wife, as wonderful as all get out, finally convinced me that maybe this was the wrong kind of friend and I finally decided she was right.

Well, last week I had this friend removed from my life. This friends name, well, I call him my "Third Nipple". Now, he appeared about right under my left man breast and stayed there getting bigger and more tender for some time. So, my doctor said let's take it out. Wow, I said. I mean we take out keys from our pocket, this was a third nipple, that was under my skin. The big problem with all this is I am the world's biggest panzy. My wife has the pain tolerance of a donkey on steroids, me, I just don't.

So, I went it. I sucked it up. I showed that nipple who was the boss. Turns out it wasn't a third nipple. It was a "mass". Now, I am not sure what a "mass" is, but I didn't like how that sounded. My doctor dumbed me up or numbed me up or something, cut me, and took my friend out. It was a lot bigger than she thought, ended up being like the size of a big phat grape. Needless to say, it hurt like a mother and now I have had stiches for about a week. Which is a bummer, cuz my favorite thing to do is sit in my wonderful, luxorious hot tub. Well, all this to say, I find out if it was anything this Wednesday. They sent it to the lab for tests. She said it didn't look serious, just like a friend that had grown attached.