Monday, May 15, 2006

"Tool Alert"

So, I have been working on this for a long time and I am sure it will offend some, but I am ok with that. I am on a crusade of sorts to educate people (youth pastors/workers) on how not to be a Tool. Why? Because I have lived most of my life as a "tool" and that gives me credibility to educate others. So, this is a short snippet of a longer article that I have been working on.

All right, I may have to go a little old school with my very own definition of a “TOOL”. A “TOOL” is someone who is so consumed with their own personal gain that they refuse to help others across the finish line.

I asked a team of youth pastor friends to help me collect a group of viable descriptions to further my point on what a tool looks like. NOTE: This list will definitely offend some, but please read them in jest; also, when I use the word “guy”, I am referring to youth workers in general, male and female. I love youth pastors, and I am not trying to offend anyone, just trying to have fun with all of our personalities.

...The Different Types of “TOOLs”

...The Suck-Up Guy: they’re the person who tells their life story to conference speakers in hopes of impressing them.

...The Hard Core Worshipper Guy: you know who you are, you race to the front to be close to Crowder, come on, it’s true, you’re 35 and you sprint to be in front.

...The “Neon” Mission Trip Shirt Guy: you make your students wear those lame neon color shirts for your mission trips

...The Post Modern Beer Drinker Guy: you have never had a sip of beer until post modernity occurred.

...The Five Years Late Guy: you are always a few steps behind and you are still wearing your Newsboys’ Shine T-Shirt.

...The Show-Off Guy: wherever you are, you have to be the loudest and most annoying.

...The Four Square for Life Guy(s) at NYWC: what is the deal, are you still in Kindergarten? Do you really have to play right in front of the main doors?

...The Free Gift Guy: you only attend various youth conferences and similar events to get your fill on free stuff. You are the person filling your bag at conferences, taking some for you, and your pastor, and your wife, and everyone you know. Who needs that many copies of the skit guy’s cd anyways?

...The Insincere Guy: you are the person who says it the “way it is” and never speak with grace and love. You routinely say…sucks to be you.

...The Numbers Guy: you call other youth pastors and ask how many they are taking to camp. Also, while you are speaking to a new group you say something like…”Last week I was speaking to a thousand kids”. You’re not fooling anybody, you just have to divide your number by 3 and than we’ll know how many you really spoke too.

...The Fad Guy: you saw a student with ripped jeans, so you went right to Hollister and bought yourself a pair of $60 ripped jeans, plus you are probably sporting the pink polo with the collar up.

...The Toot my own horn Guy: you ever been at lunch with someone who won’t shut up about how awesome they are, yeah that’s you.

...The Postmodern Vulgar Guy: you never swore, not one day in your life, but now you do, heck it’s the postmodern thing to do- effen aye cotton, effen aye.

...The So Humble, your borderline depression Guy: have you met someone like this, you would remember.

...The I’m “Pastor Bob” Guy: please hear me out, no offense here; but you are the person who always refers to yourself as “Pastor”, even when you are talking with another youth pastor. Do I really need to call you Pastor Bob?

...The Amen at Every Word Guy: you love this word and you let the world know it, Amen.

...The, “Why is this guy speaking” Guy: you think you are better than any communicator you hear, and you make sure you tell others.

...The "Please Others at every attempt" guy: This is my story.

Lots more to come.


Pat said...

Holy crap I can't believe you said it. How funny are you! Love the list man, keep them coming so I don't wind up a a bigger tool than I already am.

Dave said...

I think I'm at least 7 of them. That's a good thing, right? I swore and drank beer before post-modernism, so you can't count me in those two... My goal is to be at least 9 of these guys by the end of the year.

lovedetroit said...


what's up bro!!! it's grande... remember me??? just thought i'd say hello, i saw your link from tom rundel's site and had to stop by... hopefully our paths will cross again in the future!!! stop by my sites sometime:

Anonymous said...

Jason remember when you brought up all those numbers at the lunch where i was filling my bag with free stuff, you are such a tool!!!


joshua said...

that is one funny list.

My favorite has to be the 4 square guy at YS. HA HA!!

I have played 4 square at YS, however I've ever come to the point where I've accually set up a game.

Jason Raitz said...

Any more? Please email them.

Phil said...

i had a kid ask me to play newsboys "shine" on sunday. i did everything possible not to laugh in his face. poor 6th grade boy was serious.

by the it possible to not be one of these at some point? either you're too cool for school or behind the curve like most evangelical churches. i guess we'll all have to settle for being a tool.

Anonymous said...

bite me diley!!!